Thursday, December 4, 2014
Thesis- Rape in sub-Saharan Africa
Rape, as a weapon in war, continues to reflect the political, economic, and social issues in the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Nigeria even after their initial civil wars; Despite news sources from around the world portraying these rapes as evil, horrifying, and inhumane, the government rarely punishes the offenders; In order to control and decrease rapes in these countries, the international community should take action, instituting programs to help educate civilians and punishing rape offenders for their crime.
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To start, your question is mostly grammatically correct, but I think the words after the semicolons do not need to be capitalized. Also, “.. the international community should take action, instituting programs..” sounds awkward, but I think adding “by” after the word “action" would solve this problem. It is good that you have included political, economic, and social issues in your thesis, because it will give you opportunity to expand on these topics throughout your essay. Overall this is a good thesis, because it allows for in depth explanation and sets up for a well-structured essay that meets all of the rubric content requirements.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kelsey, that particular part of your thesis sounds a bit awkward to read and there are a few grammatical errors but overall this is a very well written thesis statement and should make for an in-depth analysis of your topic.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely on the right track. However, for ease of writing and reading, I would suggest focusing/condensing your thesis. For example, you could combine the first two sections something like, "Despite numerous media outlets reporting the proliferation of rape in Nigeria and the Democratic Republic of Congo..."
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