Thursday, December 4, 2014
Thesis - Strife in Libya
Islamist militant rivals are currently fighting anti-Islamist forces due to the collapse of the National Transitional Council and the interim government , Libya's strong Islamic population, and the abrupt end to Qaddafi's brutal regime; the news sources portray the situation as helpless, dangerous, and spiraling into a much worse situation; these ideas are widely accepted and/or inevitable unless major changes are made; lastly, the way to confront this situation is for international forces, especially those of the neighboring countries of who's security is at the most risk, to take control of the situation through military action and put an end to these radical Islamist groups and ideas.
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Good Things: You answer all parts of the essay and the grammar is good.
ReplyDeleteSuggestions: For your first part of your thesis, it is a little confusing and awkward. I would change it to be a little more clear for the reader. Also, the entire thesis does not seem to flow and seems a bit wordy. Maybe change it too be more concise. I would also include political, social, and economic factors into your thesis. Other than that, I think it it well constructed thesis, however making it more concise and clear for the reader would be a good idea. Nice Job!
Your thesis statement does not follow in a natural way, I think it is too wordy and easy to get lost in this context. In this case, I would suggest making it more concise in order to keep the reader focused on your point.
ReplyDeleteYou've addressed all of the areas in your post but need to condense your thesis for better flow. For example, you could start, "Since the collapse of the Qaddafi regime, Libya's dissent into instability..."
ReplyDelete