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Friday, December 5, 2014
Thesis- Hong Kong Protest
The protests in Hong Kong are a necessary part of their history in their transition to rule by China from their special history of being rued by the British Empire.
1. Shouldn't "their", in both the first and the second parts of the statement, be "its", as this refers to Hong Kong?
2. The phrase "of their history" makes it seem like the Hong Kong protests are a past event, but to my knowledge, they are ongoing, correct? In that case, I think that you mean that these protests needed to happen. I'd say something along the lines of "are a necessary event" to make it certain that these protests are currently happening.
3. The last part of the thesis seems awkward and clunky: "to rule by China from their special history of being rued (I think you mean "ruled" here) by the British Empire". Regardless of that spelling error, I think it would be much easier just to say "from Britain's reign to China's", or something of that nature. I think that it retains the meaning of your original phrase while presenting the information in a more concise, easy-to-understand way.
4. I only see the "history" aspect in this thesis. Shouldn't you mention news coverage or what you think the international response to this issue should be?
5. If this thesis were coupled with news coverage and international response, I could probably see it covering the appropriate page count. As it stands, however, this may come short of the 8-10 page count. This problem can be solved, I think, simply by adding news coverage and international response aspects to the thesis.
First of all, the first part of the sentence contains too many "theirs", "ruled" is spelled wrong, and I think you didn't cover all the requirements for the thesis, you might want to check that you have everything.
While your thesis is direct and "to the point" you need to expand to address your full topic. Avoid "their." Expand your thesis to include reference to the news coverage (is there any news coverage in Chinese media...?). How should the international community respond to these events?
1. Shouldn't "their", in both the first and the second parts of the statement, be "its", as this refers to Hong Kong?
ReplyDelete2. The phrase "of their history" makes it seem like the Hong Kong protests are a past event, but to my knowledge, they are ongoing, correct? In that case, I think that you mean that these protests needed to happen. I'd say something along the lines of "are a necessary event" to make it certain that these protests are currently happening.
3. The last part of the thesis seems awkward and clunky: "to rule by China from their special history of being rued (I think you mean "ruled" here) by the British Empire". Regardless of that spelling error, I think it would be much easier just to say "from Britain's reign to China's", or something of that nature. I think that it retains the meaning of your original phrase while presenting the information in a more concise, easy-to-understand way.
4. I only see the "history" aspect in this thesis. Shouldn't you mention news coverage or what you think the international response to this issue should be?
5. If this thesis were coupled with news coverage and international response, I could probably see it covering the appropriate page count. As it stands, however, this may come short of the 8-10 page count. This problem can be solved, I think, simply by adding news coverage and international response aspects to the thesis.
First of all, the first part of the sentence contains too many "theirs", "ruled" is spelled wrong, and I think you didn't cover all the requirements for the thesis, you might want to check that you have everything.
ReplyDeleteWhile your thesis is direct and "to the point" you need to expand to address your full topic. Avoid "their." Expand your thesis to include reference to the news coverage (is there any news coverage in Chinese media...?). How should the international community respond to these events?
ReplyDelete