Thursday, December 4, 2014
Thesis - ISIS
ISIS rose to power due to the instability in Iraq and Syria due to civil wars in Syria, effects from the war in Iraq, and the power of Al Qaeda, and continues to persecute opposing groups, violate human rights, run a caliphate that threatens stability in the Middle East, and hurt the world economy; In addition, almost all news sources, whether from western or eastern countries, portray ISIS as evil and horrible, while the group's propaganda on social media is often censored or removed; Finally, the way to stop ISIS is for the west to refrain from taking military action and allow the Middle Eastern to handle the warfare themselves while instead taking action to hurt the group economically, weakening its power.
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After your two semicolons, the words "in addition" and "finally", I think they should not be capitalized because Overall I think you present a clear overview of what your essay is trying to say. You have the foundation to build upon to prove your thoughts on the subject matter.
ReplyDeleteThe thesis is very effective and delivers many points that can be written about in the essay. However, I would reword the beginning to make it sound less "awkward" because "due" is written twice. Overall, the thesis is very well written and illustrates a clear summary of what the essay should be about.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot squeezed into your long thesis statement. Try to condense your ideas. For example, for the first portion you could say something like "Instability in Iraq since American withdrawal and the civil war in Syria led to the emergence of the repressive ISIS regime..."
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